Thoughts Of a Mother

In life we often question our roles, our worth and our place. We often seek titles and positions high up in work places or just in life. Yet here I sit at the age of 20 holding in my arms the very future. And I have to laugh at my thoughts of "who am I or what career do I want?" Because as I sit here holding my baby boy in my arms I have come to realize that the most important role the most important career I can ever have in my life time is to be a mother. To have this little boy grow up knowing he is loved. The most important title I can ever be given is the title of mom. No matter where I work, no matter what I make of myself in this world, I will always be called mom, I will always be a mom. And my first priority is to protect, love, guide and care for the small person who will call me mom and who will relie on me for all his needs. Nothing in life is as important as my role as being his mother. Which is something that fills me with pride and joy, and its a role, a job I fully accept and appreciate. Although it saddens me that the society we now live in does not support this role, or count it as a job. In fact if anything they encourage women to not become mothers, and when they do they encourage them not to commit their time to being a mom. The society we now live in encourages abortions more then families. And it breaks my heart knowing that an abortion can just as easily be turned into two things. One adoption, because I bet you anything for every 1 aborted baby there are 2 or 3 women who would love to have that baby. Who would do everything in their power to love, and raise the baby that was never given a chance to be loved. And then the second option is to keep and raise the baby. Because its the greatest thing that can ever happen to you, if you allow it to be. Being a mom has filled me with so many emotions, so much love. I am over flowing with it, and I know that being a mother is the most important thing I will ever do. Being a mom is not easy, is not always roses and laughter. But nothing worth having is an easy road. Nothing worth fighting for is easy. And being a mom is worth fighting for. And from the first time they look up into your eyes to when they clutch their tiny fingers around your one finger. Your world becomes their every breath...their every cry and step. And you no longer remember what life was like before you heard their first cry as they came into the world.

Fear

Fear

Running in place

in a time 

where frozen in place

I stand alone

nothing seems to be

nothing is as it is

And yet 

frozen in place

I run to a place

where inside myself

i scream aloud

as tears fall down

to a memory 

to a thought 

And yet as I run

as I am frozen

I see and I feel

the reason for it all

Given the knowledge

to set myself free

I reach out to it

yet pull away in fear

Standing in my

frozen state 

my frozen place 

of pain and tears

I turn away from freedom

I turn away from knowledge

I know its there

just a step away

just a simple choice

and yet I fear

I fear the unknown 

beyond the known

I fear the hurt

if the knowledge is false

I fear the laughter

of those I used to trust

But above all

I fear I am unworthy

unworthy of a freedom 

I desire beyond all else

© February 16, 2015 

Trials

So I have not written in quick some time, but I will blame my pregnancy brain on that. The last 10 months my writing talent has been slim to none and I have only written I think 2 poems since I got pregnant. And I am just barley feeling human again and my precious son is 1 month and 2 weeks old. So much fun he is, but it still leaves me no time to write almost. But will write this,

In life you have you ups and your downs. Sometimes you fall really hard and sometimes your set on a path so easy, and smooth that you have to stop, pause and peek around the corner and ask " where is the storm"? Because you know that up ahead beyond your vision it awaits. But you never know if its going to just rain, or if its going to turn into a hurricane. Well I can say that I have been on this smooth path for awhile, sure its not been 100 percent smooth and has had rain here and there. But compared to the hurricane at the moment I would take back any one of those small rain storms. I just know that no matter what hits you, no matter how big the storm life goes on. You may seem like you have hit rock bottom, and you tell yourself "it can get any worse". But it can always be worse, there will always be someone worse off then yourself. Life was never promised to be an easy path. In my religion we believe that we choose the life we have. I am not able to completly comprehend what that means myself. Because there are times where I go "I choose this???" What in the world was I thinking. And then after the storm ends and life becomes laid back agian, I discover the lesson I learned from the storm. And I smile and say thats why I picked it. So just remember life is hard, but its worth the ride. Because just like the rainbow after a rain storm life becomes so much more beautiful after a trial. We learn lessons, and we become better people, stronger people.

© February 16, 2015 

The Lost Voice

The Lost Voice

Quietly I hear them call

calling out my name

looking out amongst the dark

I seek for the soul searching for me

No one else hears them

no one else believes me

that there is someone there

in need of my help

in need of my assistance 

Running away from the road

running out away from the path

of safety and protection

I make my own road

my own path out among the dark

the weeds and the lost

Seeking for that quiet voice

that yells to me from afar 

I do not notice the danger

I do not notice my choices

My attention so focused on helping

on rescuing someone besides myself

I don't remember to watch myself

to keep my own soul 

out and above the weeds the dark.

Soon my path is covered

back over with weeds and debri

Soon my way is lost and I too

Yell out for help among the dark

among the lost and the helpless.

© July 30, 2014

One Step At A Time

One Step At A Time

Walking along a road

dusty and long

trying to continue on

yet falling behind

seeing everyone run along

as fast as they can go

and yet here I walk 

struggling to keep up

I almost begin to stop

yet something pushes me on

pulled by the unknown 

I continue on

one step at a time

to slowly yet surly reach the end

tired but motivated

I continue on 

one step at a time

because life goes on.

© July 28, 2014

My Little Joy

Oh the joy that echos inside me

the bright grace of love shining bright

As I count down time

towards something unique

something extraordinary

My smile widens

my heartbeat quickens

to the time I'll hold in my arms

the joy the love the wonder 

What in that moment will I do?

Will I feel?

The time I count down quickly flys away

and yet some days feel so slow

but I know

soon very soon 

I'll hold you in my arms

My precious little joy

my precious little love

I wonder what you'll look like

and how you'll behave

Oh my precious little child 

how time seems so long

yet so fast to the time we'll meet

I love you already 

my bright bundle of joy. 

© July 19, 2014

You are all special - The Richfield Reaper: Letters To The Editor

You are all special - The Richfield Reaper: Letters To The Editor

I have a message for all the women, young and old, that take time to read this. I have always had a desire to be myself and not let the world change who I am.

I have never put makeup on to impress a young man, or anyone else. I have never dressed myself in the styles of the year. I avoid people who I know will try to change me. I have always believed that if they don’t like me for me, I was not going to change to make them happy.

I am almost 19 and engaged to the most respectful, loving, kind gentleman I have ever met. He does not require me to wear a mask of makeup — in fact, he is very happy I don’t. He does not expect me to wear anything more than T-shirts and jeans, because he thinks I look good in anything. He does not try to change who I am, and he supports me in everything, and stands beside me the whole time.

But, the most important thing is he not only knows all my faults and accepts all my faults, but he loves me for them.

This message is to tell you not to get caught up in a man who will change you. Because in changing you so you’re right for him, he doesn’t really love you for you. He loves the you that he created. The mask, the image, and not the woman hidden underneath it.

I have seen it time and time again and not only in high school where the girl is left on the side, forgotten for another so quickly. She is wondering what she did wrong; she did everything he asked of her. Yet, he still left her standing there unsure of who she is.

The answer of what you did wrong would most likely be you tried to be who you were not. So, remember you women out there, that you are all special in your own unique way. Don’t try to be your friends, or like the head cheerleader or anything like that. Because the best gift I have ever been given so far in this life is the gift of being loved for me — my faults and all.

Be loved for who you are, and not for who you are not.

Emma Huls