Fear

Fear

Running in place

in a time 

where frozen in place

I stand alone

nothing seems to be

nothing is as it is

And yet 

frozen in place

I run to a place

where inside myself

i scream aloud

as tears fall down

to a memory 

to a thought 

And yet as I run

as I am frozen

I see and I feel

the reason for it all

Given the knowledge

to set myself free

I reach out to it

yet pull away in fear

Standing in my

frozen state 

my frozen place 

of pain and tears

I turn away from freedom

I turn away from knowledge

I know its there

just a step away

just a simple choice

and yet I fear

I fear the unknown 

beyond the known

I fear the hurt

if the knowledge is false

I fear the laughter

of those I used to trust

But above all

I fear I am unworthy

unworthy of a freedom 

I desire beyond all else

© February 16, 2015 

Trials

So I have not written in quick some time, but I will blame my pregnancy brain on that. The last 10 months my writing talent has been slim to none and I have only written I think 2 poems since I got pregnant. And I am just barley feeling human again and my precious son is 1 month and 2 weeks old. So much fun he is, but it still leaves me no time to write almost. But will write this,

In life you have you ups and your downs. Sometimes you fall really hard and sometimes your set on a path so easy, and smooth that you have to stop, pause and peek around the corner and ask " where is the storm"? Because you know that up ahead beyond your vision it awaits. But you never know if its going to just rain, or if its going to turn into a hurricane. Well I can say that I have been on this smooth path for awhile, sure its not been 100 percent smooth and has had rain here and there. But compared to the hurricane at the moment I would take back any one of those small rain storms. I just know that no matter what hits you, no matter how big the storm life goes on. You may seem like you have hit rock bottom, and you tell yourself "it can get any worse". But it can always be worse, there will always be someone worse off then yourself. Life was never promised to be an easy path. In my religion we believe that we choose the life we have. I am not able to completly comprehend what that means myself. Because there are times where I go "I choose this???" What in the world was I thinking. And then after the storm ends and life becomes laid back agian, I discover the lesson I learned from the storm. And I smile and say thats why I picked it. So just remember life is hard, but its worth the ride. Because just like the rainbow after a rain storm life becomes so much more beautiful after a trial. We learn lessons, and we become better people, stronger people.

© February 16, 2015 

The Lost Voice

The Lost Voice

Quietly I hear them call

calling out my name

looking out amongst the dark

I seek for the soul searching for me

No one else hears them

no one else believes me

that there is someone there

in need of my help

in need of my assistance 

Running away from the road

running out away from the path

of safety and protection

I make my own road

my own path out among the dark

the weeds and the lost

Seeking for that quiet voice

that yells to me from afar 

I do not notice the danger

I do not notice my choices

My attention so focused on helping

on rescuing someone besides myself

I don't remember to watch myself

to keep my own soul 

out and above the weeds the dark.

Soon my path is covered

back over with weeds and debri

Soon my way is lost and I too

Yell out for help among the dark

among the lost and the helpless.

© July 30, 2014

One Step At A Time

One Step At A Time

Walking along a road

dusty and long

trying to continue on

yet falling behind

seeing everyone run along

as fast as they can go

and yet here I walk 

struggling to keep up

I almost begin to stop

yet something pushes me on

pulled by the unknown 

I continue on

one step at a time

to slowly yet surly reach the end

tired but motivated

I continue on 

one step at a time

because life goes on.

© July 28, 2014

My Little Joy

Oh the joy that echos inside me

the bright grace of love shining bright

As I count down time

towards something unique

something extraordinary

My smile widens

my heartbeat quickens

to the time I'll hold in my arms

the joy the love the wonder 

What in that moment will I do?

Will I feel?

The time I count down quickly flys away

and yet some days feel so slow

but I know

soon very soon 

I'll hold you in my arms

My precious little joy

my precious little love

I wonder what you'll look like

and how you'll behave

Oh my precious little child 

how time seems so long

yet so fast to the time we'll meet

I love you already 

my bright bundle of joy. 

© July 19, 2014

You are all special - The Richfield Reaper: Letters To The Editor

You are all special - The Richfield Reaper: Letters To The Editor

I have a message for all the women, young and old, that take time to read this. I have always had a desire to be myself and not let the world change who I am.

I have never put makeup on to impress a young man, or anyone else. I have never dressed myself in the styles of the year. I avoid people who I know will try to change me. I have always believed that if they don’t like me for me, I was not going to change to make them happy.

I am almost 19 and engaged to the most respectful, loving, kind gentleman I have ever met. He does not require me to wear a mask of makeup — in fact, he is very happy I don’t. He does not expect me to wear anything more than T-shirts and jeans, because he thinks I look good in anything. He does not try to change who I am, and he supports me in everything, and stands beside me the whole time.

But, the most important thing is he not only knows all my faults and accepts all my faults, but he loves me for them.

This message is to tell you not to get caught up in a man who will change you. Because in changing you so you’re right for him, he doesn’t really love you for you. He loves the you that he created. The mask, the image, and not the woman hidden underneath it.

I have seen it time and time again and not only in high school where the girl is left on the side, forgotten for another so quickly. She is wondering what she did wrong; she did everything he asked of her. Yet, he still left her standing there unsure of who she is.

The answer of what you did wrong would most likely be you tried to be who you were not. So, remember you women out there, that you are all special in your own unique way. Don’t try to be your friends, or like the head cheerleader or anything like that. Because the best gift I have ever been given so far in this life is the gift of being loved for me — my faults and all.

Be loved for who you are, and not for who you are not.

Emma Huls

I Know...

Sitting here as I write I am thinking of so many things. I am thinking of the blessings in my life. The good fortune to not only be blessed with the knowledge but to also have the ability to know it is true. That I am a daughter of God, and I am a sister to Jesus Christ his son. And I know that each and every one of us in this world are children of God. And that he loves us all dearly. Also that no matter where we are at, no matter the choices we make he is with us always and always watching over us. Sometimes he gives us trials, and we sit here and want to scream at him WHY. . . yet if we turn that why into a understanding that he has a plan, and all will work out the way it is meant to....then the agony, suffering, and pain that the question why causes, is gone and replaced with peace and an understanding that I cant quite describe. In my life I have had multiple times where I have shouted out WHY.... WHY... Yet now that I have been given an even larger trial to go through with my family... I find that I am no longer able to utter, or to shout WHY... I am only able to say Lord thy will be done. Because no matter what we do at this point the ultimate decision is in the Lords hands. We can have hope, faith, and love. We can pray in tell our knees are sore, and our necks stiff... We can beg of him, ask of him, and plead with the Lord above to heal my little brother, and to make him well. Yet all in all if it is not apart of the plan we will be asking for what we ought not to. We don't know, and don't completely understand the Lords plan. We have been given guidelines to follow, a choice of two main paths, one of good and light, and the other of darkness and evil. Yet we cannot completely understand or know the Lords plan for each and every individual. We just have to take a step at at time, and seek to learn and seek to understand as much as we can, and as much as he will allow us to understand. I am only 18 years old. And I have not had an easy life, yet I have not had a hard one either. And I know without a doubt that I need to and that I do trust in the Lord with all mine heart, and I lean not unto my own understanding or the understandings of the world. For I fear not becasue I know that the Lord my God is with me always.