Fear

Fear

Running in place

in a time 

where frozen in place

I stand alone

nothing seems to be

nothing is as it is

And yet 

frozen in place

I run to a place

where inside myself

i scream aloud

as tears fall down

to a memory 

to a thought 

And yet as I run

as I am frozen

I see and I feel

the reason for it all

Given the knowledge

to set myself free

I reach out to it

yet pull away in fear

Standing in my

frozen state 

my frozen place 

of pain and tears

I turn away from freedom

I turn away from knowledge

I know its there

just a step away

just a simple choice

and yet I fear

I fear the unknown 

beyond the known

I fear the hurt

if the knowledge is false

I fear the laughter

of those I used to trust

But above all

I fear I am unworthy

unworthy of a freedom 

I desire beyond all else

© February 16, 2015 

Trials

So I have not written in quick some time, but I will blame my pregnancy brain on that. The last 10 months my writing talent has been slim to none and I have only written I think 2 poems since I got pregnant. And I am just barley feeling human again and my precious son is 1 month and 2 weeks old. So much fun he is, but it still leaves me no time to write almost. But will write this,

In life you have you ups and your downs. Sometimes you fall really hard and sometimes your set on a path so easy, and smooth that you have to stop, pause and peek around the corner and ask " where is the storm"? Because you know that up ahead beyond your vision it awaits. But you never know if its going to just rain, or if its going to turn into a hurricane. Well I can say that I have been on this smooth path for awhile, sure its not been 100 percent smooth and has had rain here and there. But compared to the hurricane at the moment I would take back any one of those small rain storms. I just know that no matter what hits you, no matter how big the storm life goes on. You may seem like you have hit rock bottom, and you tell yourself "it can get any worse". But it can always be worse, there will always be someone worse off then yourself. Life was never promised to be an easy path. In my religion we believe that we choose the life we have. I am not able to completly comprehend what that means myself. Because there are times where I go "I choose this???" What in the world was I thinking. And then after the storm ends and life becomes laid back agian, I discover the lesson I learned from the storm. And I smile and say thats why I picked it. So just remember life is hard, but its worth the ride. Because just like the rainbow after a rain storm life becomes so much more beautiful after a trial. We learn lessons, and we become better people, stronger people.

© February 16, 2015